Ode to Halloween

5 November 2014

Can you believe it’s already November?

This year has zoomed by, but everyone says that, right? Look down for a second and you’ll find that time has rushed right past you like the Flash on his way to a crime scene. A week has already passed since Halloween.

As I type, all the plastic spiders and pumpkins are being replaced by glittery tinsel and fake snow is being sprayed on the windows.

I’m not ready to let go yet.

If only Halloween lasted for more than one measly day a year.

Imagine going to work every day dressed as your favourite horror movie monster. Imagine walking to your front door to find Skrikkie the skeleton grinning at you while your neighbour’s doorbell, still set at “bloodcurdling scream,” scares the pants off a passer by.

I’d be pretty happy if every day was Halloween. I’d never tire of the guy from repro running around in a clown mask trying to scare everyone. And meetings would be so much more enjoyable if all the participants were dressed as zombies.

I would throw out all my clothes and invest in x-ray stockings, black capes and a good quality witch’s hat. The only exception would be the obligatory superhero costume for Free Comic Book Day. And maybe May the fourth. Maybe.

Spooky food would be on the menu every day. “Is that a finger sticking out your salad, Sally?” Why yes. Yes it is. Would you like some Eye of Newt?

And instead of mints, restaurants would hand out jelly eyeballs and marshmallow ghosts.

Cinemas would only screen scary movies. Animated films would all feature adorable monsters. Every series of The Simpsons would consist entirely of Treehouse of Horror episodes. Vampire fiction would never go out of fashion.

It sounds pretty great, doesn’t it?

I recently dyed my hair black and blue, kind of like Bluebird in the Batman comics. The day after Halloween a cashier at Woolworths asked me if the blue streaks were a leftover from Halloween. I looked up and the words just flew out.

Every day is Halloween, I said.

And it really should be.

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